This article is written by Violet Lim, Founder and CEO of Asia’s Largest Dating Company, Lunch Actually.
Dating in the age of technology is a minefield, but it can be navigated better if you know what to look out for/ do before you completely bomb your date. With Valentine’s Day coming up, make sure to steer clear of these 5 dating mistakes that Malaysians commonly make, according to Asia’s premier dating group Lunch Actually!
Some dating mistakes are self-explanatory, like don’t insult your date even if you’re rejected. Others may seem a little less obvious – these Lunch Actually dating coaches and consultants shed light on what they thought were the top dating mistakes singles made in the past year, and how to avoid these mistakes and improve your dating game instead.
1. Work Talk
A mistake many working singles make is that they only talk about their work during their dates, said Senior Dating Consultant, Elaine Lai, adding that people bring up work challenges, their colleagues, and so on. For most singles, their lives usually revolve around work, and it’s what they know best to talk about.
“However, only sticking to work topics will bore your date quickly. In fact, they may think you have no life outside of work at all! My advice is for singles to talk more about their hobbies, favourite movies and music, treasured childhood memories, places they have travelled, and so on,” said Elaine.
This will also allow your date get to know you on a deeper level, rather than a one-dimensional person who only knows how to work.
2. The Complain Vein
One common mistake some clients make is complaining about various issues on their first dates, said Dating Coach, Suki Chin. Work, politics, family, exes – they would just keep complaining. Needless to say, complaining does not make you attractive to anyone, especially someone you’re just getting to know.
“Instead of letting negative talk pollute your date, talk about things that make you happy instead. Also, remember to ask your date questions about themselves from time to time, and try not to talk about heavy topics like politics or religion. That can come after you’ve gotten to know each other well enough,” she added.
3. Emotional Baggage
A lot of singles often say they prefer staying single and not get attached and therefore, don’t want to date at all, said Dating Consultant Marissa Nao.
“To me, that is a dating mistake. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be single for a while, especially if you need to recover from a bad relationship. However, it is definitely a mistake to allow your past experience, and the bad experience of others, make you completely shake off dating,” she said.
It’s a catch-22 situation that will keep you out of the dating scene even more. Nobody likes a negative person, right? Singles in this situation should try and let go of their emotional baggage, so that they can find happiness sooner.
“We had a client who went out on 8 dates in two months since joining us in July 2017. That’s a date a week! I am happy to say that he got into a new relationship with his 8th date. He could have given up at any time with the 7 dates that didn’t work, but luckily, 8 was his lucky number.”
4. The “Hard-to-Get” Card
Some singles like to play ‘hard to get’ while dating. For example, they may talk about how many other people they are dating at the same time, or even refuse to answer a simple text for a week so they don’t seem ‘needy’, explained Senior Dating Consultant, Rachelle Low.
Unfortunately, while it’s good to not be clingy, you may also end up distancing yourself from a date you actually like. Your date may end up thinking, ‘Oh, I guess they’re not interested’, and also distance themselves from you so they won’t get too invested.
“Just go with the flow. Don’t make dating difficult by thinking too much into situations – dating is to be enjoyed!”
5. The Checklist
Some singles have an invisible checklist which they use to immediately brush someone off if someone doesn’t fulfill during the first date, said Rachelle, but sometimes, you may be surprised at how compatible you can be with someone after even becoming friends with them.
“Maybe, they were shy during the first date, or were hesitant to open up. Remember, there is no such thing as a perfect match.”
If you do have a checklist, it’s good to list down your 3 must-haves in a guy, and only 3. You will realize that some of your wants may be superficial criteria (such as his height, age, and so on) and don’t contribute to what ultimately would make you happy in a long-term relationship.
“Most importantly, just have fun on each date, no matter who you meet. Take each date as one date closer to The Right One.”
As Valentine’s Day approaches, be sure not to let these dating mistakes stop you from finding the right one- and may you find your soulmate soon.